May/June 2001
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THE 7 O'CLOCK BEDTIME
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"It's ten past seven on a Monday night. I am the only adult in the house (my husband is working late), and I've just put our three children--ages ten, seven, and four--to bed," writes Inda Schaenen, a freelance writer and full-time mother. She knows you're skeptical. "I promise you this is true," she insists. An early schedule gives pre-teenagers enough sleep to feel well-rested and alert in the daytime, Schaenen contends, and eliminates the crankiness and behavior problems often associated with too little sleep. She cites studies from sleep specialists to support these claims. For parents who think there aren't enough hours in the day for school, Little League, ballet lessons, watching television, and the panoply of other activities that preoccupy most American children, Schaenen poses what some may see as a radical solution: trim such activities to a minimum. Watching television is unnecessary, she says. Playing computer games is unnecessary. Prepubescent children don't need structured activities after school more than one day a week. They do need time to play freely every day, outside if possible. While a regular bedtime anchors the day, Schaenen is advocating here a philosophy of parenting based on establishing regularity and predictability in a child's daily life. Her goal: to teach her children to manage their own time well. Schaenen even wants her children to be bored, at least occasionally. "I want all my children...to come up against that blank wall of time and to have to find a way through that appeals to them as individuals," she says, "to think about what they want to do next." To show clearly how her plan works, Schaenen walks readers through a typical day in her home. Having had enough sleep, her children wake up on their own, usually around 6:30 a.m., sometimes earlier. Mother and children convene in the kitchen at 7 a.m. for the leisurely hassle-free breakfast most families only dream about. Dad, a high school teacher, usually misses sharing this meal. But unlike most office workers, he's able to be home for dinner at 5 p.m., a time chosen to promote that 7 p.m. bedtime. Schaenen sees that her children have plenty of time for vigorous play between the end of the school day and dinner. From dinner to bedtime, they relax, read (or she or her husband read to them or make up stories for them), take baths, and otherwise wind down. Like many sleep specialists, she advocates bedtime rituals. She suggests having the children do the same activities in the same order every night. It's important to note that while her children go to bed at the same time each night, they don't always fall asleep right away. The youngest might talk to his stuffed animals. The oldest might lie awake and think, happy to have a quiet and private place. Meanwhile, parents have evening time for themselves. This plan is doable, Schaenen maintains, even for households where children now go to bed much later. If your children are old enough to tell time, start by informing them that you'll be making some changes in their schedule, she suggests. Then establish a predictable early dinner hour. Schaenen knows there will be exceptions to her rules: travel, illness, special events, and house guests, for example. Compromises will be necessary on occasion. Reporting numerous anecdotes from her own life, Schaenen makes it clear that she's not supermom and her children aren't perfect. In single-parent families or those in which both parents work outside the
home, dinner likely will have to be at 6 p.m. or later. Still, providing
children with a regular mealtime and bedtime remains an achievable goal. |
Copyright (c) 2001
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