Message:
Firstly this is really hard for me to talk about, this is the first time I have posted in a forum about it. I have been on paxil since I was 14yrs old. I am now 22. I have had numerous doctor visits through out this time, I have what is to be called, massive psychotic brain control problems, this does cause me to not function, but it does cause me to always be in this sub conscious state of mind, everything feels different, things I think, things I feel, the whole overall feeling of life has become nothing to me since I was about 16. I can not really explain in full detail the problems I have, just believe me when I say you have to be going through it or be in it to understand it, every diagnosis after that is simply guess work, more then likely furthering the problems then helping the others, or vis versa. I have no doubt that Paxil is the problem that is causing some of these feelings,etc just to simply get rid of a few other problems. Its like it can help my depression that is caused by other things, but it gives me 5 more problems to get rid of that one problem. I have been told I use 15% of my brain, which is not unlikely the reason of other problems, I guess I'm just writing to find out if anyone has ever taken paxil for as long as me, or thinks they can comprehend slightly what I might partly be going through that is caused by this drug. Even when I have tried to get off it, I have even more problems with my head, body, and feelings. Its so uncontrollable at times often I believe I have become immune to Paxil but if I get off it I will be worse. This is another part of the problem, something invokes this pain and paranoia in me about anything, its like mood swings, this doesn't help decisions, it doesn't help me period. I would like to know what some of you would consider doing if you basically were trapped in your own hell which is your brain. I have been told that you could either go to a shrink, or get so drugged up you don't know what is what. I can tell you right now the pattern of thinking that I have (nothing to do with the drug) there is no way that a shrink could possibly do any good, other then the fact of how much I know and how intelligent I am (or think I am) regardless, sitting there un able to control your own thoughts, having no control over your brain, I would automatically assume before meeting the doctor that,what does he know, he is not going through it, and even if I tell him, I cannot explain it detailed enough to were he would understand it to give me a right diagnosis. There is so much to my problem I cannot even begin to explain all of them, there not surface problems, so thoughs narrow-minded I know cannot relate with them, I simply need to know what other people have felt while on Paxil. And try not to be to descriptive as far as what happens, or I will trick myself into believing it is happing to me. thank you.