Follow-Up: A proper reply is not possible here, not knowing all of the facts regarding your past and present life and its many variables. But, I can say that I have done a lot of research in dreaming so there are some things to respond with. First of all, do not take drugs that the body does not already manufacture. They may help for a time, but do not solve anything. They just mask over the problems you have in the first place. It is a way for providers to make money off of your problems. Second, going to a therapist will not help you to understand your problems, as each awareness and perception is unique. You cannot hope to find a therapist that has "been there" so therefore they cannot possibly know the cause of your problems Third, there is no "book of dreams" for someone to read your diagnosis to you. Every dream is unique to the individual and so is the meaning. The meaning could be so abstract to the rest of us, that we could never hope to fathom what you are trying to describe. We simply have no basis for comparison in which to come to any conclusions. Do not believe when a person tells you that your dream means this or that. They could not possibly know and it would only hurt you more to take what they say as fact. Actually, listening to a "book of dreams" could very well develope new concepts within your mind that could become reality, just by the suggestion of a possible meaning to your dream. The mere suggestion that you have a past problem could very easily create a past problem in your mind that never even existed before it was mentioned. Do you understand? I have developed a special chamber that is used in dream research. I have done extensive research in this area and can tell you that the only tool there is to fix your mind, is your own mind. You are the only one that is "there" within your mind and only you know what the problem is. Your dreams are trying to tell you in their abstract kinda way what you are being exposed to within your mind. The meaning can only come from you as you visualize things and represent them in your mind differently than anyone else. E-mail me, and I will try to help you to understand how to understand yourself enough to put your own diagnostic tools to work for you. I simply cannot do it here.